It was a challenging day. Not a bad day, tho. I guess .. somewhere in the middle. I actually got the floor vacuumed and made it to the store to pick up a few listed items including prescriptions - now maybe their darned automated calling machine will stop calling my cell phone for a while! ; )
Don't get me wrong, I've had some very good days when I am up and out 'n about .. and that'as when I hear malicious people saying things behind my back like .. "she's NOT sick," or "there's NOthing wrong with her" - I rejoice!! I'm thankful to be having a GOOD day, and I don't care what they say!
It was more emotional and mental today. It all started with a post that I made in DEFENSE of those of us who really do have bad, bad days, you know, a day when it is so difficult to move .. even enough to just get a glass of water .. because every single tiny motion causes such pain. You know one of those days when you have to draw the blinds because even the light causes pain around your eyes .. then it shoots painfully through your head so badly that you have to shut them .. and go lay your aching body down.
A day when you are just so out-of-it that when you try to do ANYthing at all .. you just stumble and fall .. and hurt yourself even more. A day when you know you can't excerise because no matter what you do .. it HURTS! You also know that IF YOU DO .. you will be punished for it so severely .. like your muscles will all catch on FIRE for days, even weeks. (Just like so many were saying today on that fibro page today). I remember when I used to fight it so hard that I would push myself to do things like that .. and then I would PAY for it. I would be in so much FIREY pain for days, even WEEKS .. that all I could do was just moan and cry, writhing on the sofa ... and I didn't even want to do that .. but I couldn't help it .. alone.
I was a size 8, career woman, single mom. I've knocked down over $100K/yr. I did not ask for this. Nor do I want it. And on my bad days, I don't need anyone telling me to get up and exercise! How?!? And Why on earth would I want to hurt myself like that?!?! NO, it does NOT help!! It just causes more & more pain. Then, they say, "Well why did you do that?" .. "You knew you were feeling .. blah, blah, blah".
Just visualize for a moment being 9 months pregnant and having someone tell you to get up and do 100 jumping jacks! You might do one .. or two, but you will immediately feel the tremendous stress on your body .. and how will you feel after even just 5 or 10?" .. but "c'mon, you can do it" .. yeah, right. They call that "HELPing"?!?!? Please!
I have pushed all right. I have pushed most of them right out of my life! And what a relief! They obviously have no thoughtful consideration for me. Stand up for what you believe. I believe in being compassionate to others and to myself. "Stand up for what you believe .. even if you must stand ALONE!"
MOMENTS BEFORE:
No, not even yoga could be gentle enough today!
You know what it is? It's somebody ... some idiot telling me to hurt myself! And on my bad days, I really don't need that. That's just not what I need to hear. And that's certainly not what I need to DO. And I certainly don't need any guilt trips from all their idiotic underlying accusations either.
Not everyday is a bad day. But on a very bad day .. I most certanily will NOT get up to exercise just to satisfy someone elses self-centered pleasure. I have good days, thank goodness, when I can get busy and get some things done .. maybe just a couple .. maybe a lot! And, by the way, good days are always welcome here! Usually I know what kinds of activites I can do on most days, but sometimes .. I do miscalculate my energy level .. and then I struggle, again. Sometimes I struggle with the door, other times it is not nearly as heavy as it was the days before. That's just the way this Fibro is .. I live with it.
I'm just coming to the DEFENSE of any fibro-mate having a bad day .. and to my own defense .. at last!.. because it seems that everybody likes to fight fbro .. and with the people who have it -- if not with their rude comments, then .. with their rude actions .. some won't even help with the door. When I know that I had better not exercise .. I don't. And I don't let anyone else make me feel guilty about it. Their lack of considerate understanding is their flaw. After all this time, I have decided to treat myself so much better than that. Even if no one else really "gets it".
